Asking the Wrong Questions
This week I have found it very difficult to write. The events over the last two weeks has left me drained and unsettled. Sure, it’s been busy with preparations for school, but that has been the easy part. The difficulty has been in watching dear ones suffer.
This past week I spent three treasured days with a dear long-time friend. She is my age and is dealing with terminal cancer that has taken her sight. She is a remarkable woman. I was impressed at her skill and ingenuity at navigating life without sight. She doesn’t balk at the challenges but meets them head on. Even so, after I returned home, I found myself grieving for all her dreams.
Recently I was also able to spend a couple hours with a dear church family member. I have not seen her much since she was diagnosed with ALS. This woman has a heart for children and she herself had the energy and joy of a child. She was a teacher and was wonderful with children. Whenever I hear the phrase “child-like faith” I think of her. It has been so difficult to watch her body betray her spirit as her abilities have been slowly stripped from her.
Yesterday I decided to take a moment to sit outside and enjoy peace, quiet, and nature amidst my troubled thoughts. After a few minutes, my husband joined me. I shared my thoughts on how my friend and I both went into the exact same surgery within 2 months of each other. My tumor turned out to be benign while hers was not only malignant, but incurable. He asked me, “Are you asking ‘why’?”
The question of “why” wasn’t on my heart at the moment. My heart was in a state of grief over my friend’s losses. I strongly believe that it is important to cry out to God in honest lament. God encourages us to ask questions and to seek Him through the chaos. Life indeed does give us more than we can handle. What is important is how we deal with being stretched beyond our capabilities.
Over the last year or two I have observed how time after time we ask the wrong questions in our spiritual lives. There are six basic questions we can ask: who, what, where, when, why, and how. We ask “how” when we should be asking “why.” We ask “why” when the answer we need is in the “what.”
So, what question should I be asking, if any at all? That thought took me back to those two hours with my friend with ALS. As I was leaving, I overheard her say to someone, “If I can make a difference to just one person through all of this, it will be worth it.” I was stunned. Those words have stuck in my mind and have impacted me deeply.
When we suffer, we are typically thrown into new circles. We meet different people, often people struggling with the same problems. We have an opportunity to be genuine and understanding in our struggles. That makes a powerful impression in the lives of people around us.
In my friend’s stories, I have decided to ask the question, “How is God working?” Amidst the pain and the struggles, God works. We are guaranteed to suffer and witness suffering in this life. I will never know the “why.” It is much too large a picture for me. I can grasp smaller sketches of how God is impacting their lives and the lives around them (including mine) through these struggles.
What questions have you been asking? If you have come up empty-handed time after time, maybe it’s time to change your question. Look at it from a different angle. Ask God to reveal to you meaningful questions and then ask and seek to that end. There are also times of waiting; when we need to be still and patient. I have had several times in my life where I have felt like I was lifting up an empty cup day after day while asking, “When?” The important thing is to keep on waiting, asking, and seeking.
Scriptures to ponder this week:
Philippians 3:10-16
Ecclesiastes 7:8-14
James 5:7-20
John 16:20-33
1 Corinthians 12:25-13:7
Originally published August 12, 2019. Since then, these two dear women have passed away. I thank God that I was honored with their friendship. They taught me valuable lessons through their lives, pain, and deaths. We have many good examples of how to live, but it is more rare to find one willing and vulnerable to be an example of how to die. Oh dearly missed sisters, one day we will be reunited again. Peace.
Heather, touched by the story of your friends. These are hard questions. I like your question of “how is God working” We are having a tough time w/our son Paxton, it has been tough for several years. Asking how is God working is good. I am going to ponder that.
Parenting never ends, does it?! It just changes. It is so difficult to see pain or difficulty in a loved one’s life and not be able to fix it. Praying for Paxton and you, Larkellen.
I am sorry for your loss, Heather. I lost by best friend to cancer one year ago. I know how difficult it is to lose good friends. We just had a similar discussion in our Bible Study. We decided that instead of asking why when we go through challenging times, maybe the best question to ask is “what do you want me to learn from this?” The Lord often uses our circumstances to teach us. Thank you for your heartfelt devotion.
That is a great question. It is good to have a close circle of believers to process life with. Many times, they can help us find more meaningful questions to ask. Thanks for taking the time to share with me, Glenda. I really appreciate hearing from you!
This is such a powerful example, I asked if I could share it with all of you:
“The second cancer, I was struggling with God about what I was supposed to learn through this. Why is this happening to me a second time? The answer I received was, “It isn’t all about you, Ken. You will be going places you had not planned, meeting people you would not have met. I want you to see it all as a place to do ministry. Not as a place you have to go.” I would talk to the other chemo patients. That time was focused outward. It took a lot of the focus off me. It did keep me looking for ministry instead of saying ‘whoa is me.’”
Heather,
This powerful and thought provoking post came at just the right time! My neighbor and two of my WeJoySing staff are going through tough medical issues and are asking….questions. I have shared your wisdom (this post)with them.
Gratefully!!
Difficult times. How wonderful that we serve a God that never abandons. In the darkest and ugliest moments of humanity, He is there and ready to work. I will pray for wisdom and peace for them during these times of decisions and change. So glad you shared this, Jo.
Great writing about questions. A quote I like from business and management consultant, Peter Drucker, “The important and difficult job is never to find the right answers, it is to find the right question.” The right question(s) lead us to a deepening self and God awareness, increasing our connectivity with ourselves, others and God.
Great quote, Russ. So true. The wrong questions can lead us down dead ends to discouragement. I love how you stated that good questions impact 3 relationships: others, God, and ourselves. Great point. Thanks for sharing, Russ!
Love this! I especially love the question of “what is God doing” in this situation. What is He up to?
What is He up to, indeed! I love it because it helps me keep my eyes open and is attainable. Some questions are overwhelming and actually unattainable. At times God honors the wrong questions by giving the answer or redirecting. In John 9 the disciples asked if a man was blind because of his or his parent’s sin. Jesus replied neither, it was to display the works of God in him. The disciples asked “who” when they really wanted to know “why.” Thanks, Gail!